i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
