I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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