hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
