Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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