??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
