Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
