I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
