the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
