It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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