Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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