its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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