just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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