that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
