I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
two words...techno handjob
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
