We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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