I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
