Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
