There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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