when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
