well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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