You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
