those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he puts the penis in happiness.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
