i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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