we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
