This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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