Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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