I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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