There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
