It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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