Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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