check it out our google latitudes are spooning
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
