ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you bring me the toilet please
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
