I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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