his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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