i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
