If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize