I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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