So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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