And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
