from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
