Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
