can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
