He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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