last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
