hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She bit a glass in half.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
