My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
