tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize