No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
