so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
