Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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