Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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