Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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