so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
