I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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