Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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