remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
