I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
