you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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