i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
