we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
