He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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