cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
