If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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