ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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