alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
